Diet free zone

So, today I made croissants. Rich buttery croissants. With cheese in. And Marmite. And now I'll show you how to as well. Although you can feel free to leave out the Marmite if you're a colonial or Marmite hating deviant.

You will need-

Milk.
Flour (note that this is just plain flour rather than white bread flour)
Yeast
A metric fuckton of butter. Well, maybe a packet or so


This will make you about 8-10 decent sized croissants.-
Take 1/2 a pint of milk and warm it to about body temperature, add about 50g of melted butter and stir in your sachet of yeast. Sprinkle some flour on the top and leave it to get started, this will take about 25-30 minutes.


Once this has started bubbling away and showing signs of life, add more flour and thoroughly incorporate it into a dough. Leave it for another 30-40 minutes or so to prove.


Once this has been done turn it out onto  a well-floured surface and knead it well, incorporating more flour into it until you end up with a smooth, pliable dough.


Set this aside for another 30-40 minutes or so, or until it has about doubled in size.


Now the fun bit- turn your dough out onto a well floured surface and roll it out into a rectangle roughly twice as long as it is wide.


Now cover half of the dough with butter. There are several ways of doing this. The traditional method is to prepare your butter by pounding it with a tiny amount of flour until enough air has been incorporated to allow it to spread even when cold. Some people say you should melt and clarify your butter then re-refrigerate it as thin sheets on lined baking trays so you can simply cut off an appropriate sized sheet. Me, I cheat and take some butter that I've had sitting in the freezer for about 20 minutes over the rough holes of a box grater. There we are, dough covered, fuss saved.


Now simply fold your dough across, turn it 90 degrees, and roll it out again.


Repeat with the butter, folding and rolling a couple more times before mixing it up a little. On the 3rd roll I decided to add some tasty mature cheddar instead of butter-


And on the 4th some Marmite (protip- if you spoon it into a ramekin then microwave it for 10 seconds it spreads much more easily)


And some more cheese-


Then it's just a matter of rolling, folding and turning it a few more times. I'll be honest, I lost count of how many times I did it (I think around 8-10) but the more ties you do, the flakier your croissants will be. If at any point the dough starts to feel sticky and loose, just dust it with flour and pop it in the freezer for a few minutes to chill.

Anyway, once you're sick of rolling folding and turning, roll it out into a long oblong and start cutting it into triangles using a sharp knife or pizza cutter. Then shape your croissants by rolling them from the wide end to the tip, before popping them onto baking trays.






At this point you can freeze them for future nomming, or you can throw them into a hot oven for 15-20 minutes until they turn golden brown and tasty delicious.


Either way, when you do cook them, make sure you eat them right away and don't think about the obscene amount of butter you're consuming...